


Counting the Days

by dreamydami



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, Character Death, Death, F/F, Friends to Lovers, High School, Regret, Sad Ending, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Tears, Teen Years, Years Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-23 20:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19708381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamydami/pseuds/dreamydami
Summary: Excerpt: The feeling is like insatiable fire that burnt all the oxygen in her body, leaving her listless and empty. But now it is more like a thin layer of ice, cooling her insides, a gentle reminder of the pain that came before and a prompt to add gas the next time a fire ignites.





	Counting the Days

**_Years Ago_ **

“Gahyeon….”

“Hmm?” Yoobin grabs her by the hand, forcing Gahyeon’s body be inches away from her.

“Um… I need to tell you something.”

“W-what is it?” Gahyeon’s eyes pierce through Yoobin’s, the warm grip on her hand starting to feel tighter.

“I… like you. As… more than a friend...”

Yoobin doesn’t say another word and her breathing hitches. Her eyes are fixed at Gahyeon’s big, round eyes, the only things shining on a cloudy night. She hears a soft chuckle as she surveys the sky while they’re in the middle of the school quadrangle.

“Oh my gosh, is this real???”

“Wh-what do you mean? Why would it be a joke?”

“No, because… you’re the ace student and you’re so nice and everyone wants to be close to you. And I’m this lacking kid two years your junior and...”

And Yoobin comes closer, giving Gahyeon a quick, soft peck on the lips that grew butterflies and rainbows in their tummies. Yoobin pulls back quickly and observes the crimson that had formed on Gahyeon’s cheeks, letting go of her tight grip.

“I…”

Gahyeon struggles to speak, the words at the tip of her tongue all refuse to jump out. She purses her lips and picks up Yoobin’s hand, slowly and gently as the breeze of the night now brush against their skins.

“I’ve always liked you, Yoobin unnie.”

“If you’re serious, please drop the unnie. _Please._ ” The younger girl snickers as Yoobin’s blood rushes to her ears. She clutches her other hand and holds them both firmly while looking at the older girl’s eyes, their gazes thick and sweet like honey. Their hands are between their bodies, warm from the rush of each other’s confessions.

“I like you, Yoobin. A lot.”

Yoobin can’t contain her smile. She beams and lets go of Gahyeon’s hands to open her arms to a tight embrace. She buries her face on her shoulder as Gahyeon puts her arms around her waist.

“Are you hugging me so you could hide your blush?”

“Shut up!” Yoobin giggles because Gahyeon is right. The younger girl relaxes her arms, gently pushing the older girl’s waist as she takes a peek at the flushed Yoobin.

“You know, my mom has always known I have a crush on you.”  
“What? Wait, your parents know you like girls?”

“Oh, yeah. Ever since Miss Minji was my teacher in grade 7 Math last year. Do you remember her? Slender, red hair, beautiful face. Damn. I knew right then and there that I was gay! I figured I had to tell them because I don’t like hiding things from them.”

“Oh, that’s awesome for you! As for me… I’m not sure… My parents are pretty strict. You know that. So I don’t know if I can ever come out. But ever since I saw that senior Kim SuA. I was just… floored.”

“Aw, that’s fine. You’ll get there someday. It’s a different feeling to be out, so I hope you decide to do it someday. I have never felt more free since I told my parents.”

“Hmmm… Someday. Wait, Gahyeon?”

The younger girl blinks her round eyes, twinkling in the face of Yoobin as she carefully cups her face with her long hands.

“Does this mean…. We can go out? Like, exclusively?”

“Well, I’d like that. What about you?”

“Yeah, nah, I just want to date you. Only you.”

They hug each other one more time, tighter and warmer this time, as their bodies touch with the fire in their hearts. They know it’s a start for them, the start of a new chapter. And they can’t wait to start this new chapter hand in hand with each other.

**_Two Years Later_ **

The way their hands fit each other’s palms, the way their bodies outline each other’s molds, the way they turn each other’s frowns into smiles - Gahyeon and Yoobin were perfectly made for each other. It has been two years since their confession and their hearts have stayed the same, despite their young hearts using their emotions to think (not their heads).

The two have been arguing for a couple of months now since Yoobin’s cousin saw her and Gahyeon walking hand in hand at a park on a Saturday afternoon. Gahyeon is pissed to say the least, that Yoobin hasn’t been holding her hand in public ever since that incident which has tainted their sweet relationship. Yoobin knows she’s mad, but she doesn’t know how to calm her down or how she can make up to her because she is overcome with fear - that she will be outed to her family when she is not ready. 

_Yoobin: I’ll pick you up from your last class today?_

_Gahyeon: Okay._

_Yoobin: Deokbokki tonight?_

_Gahyeon: Are you going to hold my hand then throw it away again once you see people?_

_Yoobin: Look, I don’t know how many times I’ve told you I’m sorry. But I really am. I just need to tell you something so please, let’s have dinner?_

The dinner goes well at first, with Yoobin clasping Gahyeon’s hands under the table and giving her small, sneaky kisses that shade her cheeks pink. These are the small moments that Gahyeon wants from her girlfriend but because she isn’t out, there’s always a level of anxiety whenever they’re in public. She has decided on what she wants to happen with their youthful relationship, but she knows she’s going to long for Yoobin’s soft hands laced with hers. She lets her squeeze her hands for a while, her thumb drawing circles on her palm. But she takes a deep breath and withdraws her hand as slowly as she can, leaving Yoobin’s face with a puzzled look.

“You know, Yoobin, I came out to my parents for a reason.”

“And what exactly is that?” 

“So I won’t have to hide anything from anyone. I won’t have to kiss in the dark or hold hands under the table...”

“I’m sorry… I didn’t know it’s still about that.”

“No, I’m sorry. Because it’ll always be about that. I’ve realized that I don’t want a relationship where I can’t show my love out in the open. Unless you do something about it, I’m afraid this has to end...”

Yoobin shivers at her words and the cold, sharp pain pierces through her heart. She breathes in her courage and exhales her woes, as she organizes her thoughts and tries to open her mouth slowly.

“Uh. I’m going to LA for a degree in music.”

Gahyeon’s eyes widen in shock, her hands start to fidget and her blinking becomes uncontrollable. She knows it’s a different thing that they’re thousands of miles apart. 

“I’m never seeing you again?”

“No, I’ll probably go back from time to time. But since it seems like you’re forcing me to come out when I’m not yet ready, I guess I can’t keep seeing you anymore...”

“Geez but seriously, how could you keep this to yourself?!”

Gahyeon wipes the tears that are now streaming and storms out of the deokbokki place. Yoobin pays for their meal, probably their last together for a good while, as she follows the younger girl outside. She finally catches up and grabs her by the wrist, pulling her forcefully that ends up to a hug. She pushes her away with all her might, their morose breaths laced with sorrow.

“I can’t believe you.” Gahyeon catches her breath, her arms folded above her chest as she gasps for air.

“No, Gahyeon, listen. I just got my acceptance letter yesterday. I passed my application one random day out of curiosity. But I thought you’d be happy for me because it’s a music school...”

“I am happy for you, all right. What’s not cool is me knowing about this just now.”

The two pause on the thought of them living apart, how they can’t greet each other’s eyes every morning outside Gahyeon’s house and how they can’t give good bye kisses while hiding in the dark every night. They feel nothing but longing and they feel it’s all over even before it has started. 

“Let’s just… end this. For our sake. We’re young. We can move on from this.”

“I guess that’s what we had the deokbokki for, then?”

Gahyeon lifelessly nods, her eyes directed towards the cold pavement as Yoobin steps in closer to her. 

“No. Stop giving me hugs. We’re done. You don’t have to make me feel safe anymore.”

“Okay. I guess goodbye then.”

“Thank you and goodbye.”

**_Six Years Later_ **

Yoobin arrives back in Seoul after six years in LA. She had finished her music degree and has gained herself a Korean-American manager who works in the industry. Weeks after composing a for a well-known music company, various Korean companies came knocking at her door. She goes home for two months to arrange things with said companies, and of course also to meet her family and old friends from high school.

_Yoobin: Bitch I’m home!_

_Yoohyeon: BITCH_

_Yoohyeon: WHEN CAN WE MEET_

_Yoohyeon: WAIT NO IDC IF YOU’RE JET LAGGED I’M GOING TO YOUR PLACE_

_Yoobin: Yeah figured I don’t have a choice. I got you a puppy New York shirt when I went last month_

_Yoohyeon: BITCH SO SWEET I’M OMW_

Yoohyeon used to visit Yoobin in LA when she goes for a family trip to the US. They spend a week together, with Yoobin touring Yoohyeon around her campus and going to parties at night where Yoohyeon gets drunk and the rest is history. They’re childhood friends and Yoobin is thankful to have someone connect her to home even when she’s thousands of miles away.

The best friends enjoy the day together in Yoobin’s home, unpacking suitcases because Yoohyeon was already asking for her New York puppy shirt impatiently like a cute baby.

“Oh, did you receive an invitation of some sort from HF High?”

“I”m not sure. My parents haven’t handed me anything.”

“I heard you’re invited to that outstanding graduates dinner thing…”

“What? When is this? Man I’m busy.”

“Friday night, so two days from now. Guess who else is going to be there.”

Yoobin’s mind wanders back to her high school campus where she discovered her passion for music, her first love, by being part of the school choir. She also rewinds to that moment where she confessed her love to a cute girl two years her junior. At random times, her face flashes from her memory and she is reminded that she will always be her greatest love. 

“Gahyeon! Lee Gahyeon! Your e-”

Yoobin covers Yoohyeon’s mouth before she says anything that could create friction within her family.

_“_...your ex...” Yoohyeon whispers.

Yoobin’s eyes go wide and her mouth shuts to a straight line. It’s no secret to her best friend that she hasn’t dated anyone until now because she’s still hung up on her teenage love.

“You’re still really not over it? After hundreds of girls in LA?”

“They don’t really like me there, though. Plus it’s not like I went to LA to date.”

“No, I remember that Chinese girl we went to a party with during your spring break. She told me she had a crush on you and that it’s hard to bait you so no one would even attempt to try to be with you.”

“Lies.”

“Lies your ass. You’re gushing.”

Yoobin is beyond attractive. She has a small built and milky complexion, with big brown eyes that could look right through your soul. It’s impossible not to be magnetized by her sweet yet charismatic smile, that even her best friend had fallen for before.

“Listen. Remember that hot minute I had a crush on you? That’s a testament to your looks, okay.”

“Uh, do I say thank you?”

“You don’t know how to take compliments, ugh. Anyway. So how are you feeling that you’re seeing Gahyeon?”

“First, I don’t have the invitation yet. Second, I don’t know.”

She doesn’t really know what to feel because how should she react to meeting your ex from six years ago?

“Ugh you suck. Anyway, you will get your invitation soon, I’m sure. Especially now that you’re here they’ll be excited for their little super star. Also be cool around her okay. Don’t be weird.”

“You’re weird.”

“Thanks for the shirt bestie. I need to go soon because I’m meeting Siyeon.”

“Oh tell her we should hang soon.”

“You’re willing to be the third wheel?”

“As long as you don’t shove your tongue in her mouth in front of me, it’s all good.”

**_After Two Days_ **

Yoobin finally receives the invitation and her eyes dwell on one name: **_Lee Gahyeon._ **

“I’m finally seeing her again,” She mutters to herself, a bit jittery. It will be the first time for her to see Gahyeon again ever since that night of tears, and she’s not sure if she’s ready to face her again. She feels a bit excited while biting her lower lip, wondering how she would react when their eyes finally meet again. Questions cloud her head and she can’t think straight as memories of Gahyeon flood her head. _How beautiful is she now? Does she still have piercing gaze? Does she still have a hearty laugh?_ The lack of social media and the change in environment helped Yoobin move on from the break up years ago. Yoohyeon has been bugging her to get at least on Twitter, but the budding big-time music producer wouldn’t budge until she had to make one as per her publicist. She opens her Twitter account and starts searching for Gahyeon. _Why am I even doing this now?_ She finds her account but is set as private, her profile picture with another woman. _Okay, I guess she’s happy._

**_D-Day_ **

Yoobin arrives at the restaurant awfully early. She parks her car nonchalantly and breathes in deep as the engine roars from the outside, the air conditioning messing up her fixed up hair. She puts down the visor mirror and checks her face, inspects for any imperfections that she doesn’t want to show when they’re honoring her as an outstanding graduate. She takes another deep breath as she turns off everything inside her car and then her engine. She hops off, slams the door, and fixes the collar of her coat. She is wearing a brown light wool plaid coat and khaki pants that end a couple of inches above her ankle, her tucked-in button-down a shade of dirty white, and her loafers a shade of cream. She tried to look formal but not too formal, casual but not too casual. Yoohyeon said her leather boots would be an overkill for a dinner event, so she opted for Siyeon’s vote which are the loafers.

She walks towards the restaurant’s reception as she breathes through her mouth, her heartbeat drumming hard as she sees a petite girl with long hair standing at the entrance door. The girl turns her head and she freezes.

Yoobin lets out a deep, long sigh after realizing that it’s someone she doesn’t know. The girl calls on her boyfriend who is behind her, asking him to talk to the reception about something. She waits in line behind the couple and checks on her phone, and unsurprisingly Yoohyeon has been blowing up her inbox.

_Bitch_

_Are you there yet?_

_Is she there yet?_

_Deym this hottie not replying_

_Do you need help?_

_Are you setting the restaurant on fire?_

_Are you crying yourself to sleep?_

_Did you crash your newly bought Volks?_

_Can I borrow your car?_

_Yoobin: No._

_Yoohyeon: And the only thing I get you to reply to me is me borrowing your car. Thanks for the decades of friendship._

_Yoobin: You’re welcome._

_Yoohyeon: Who’s there?_

_Yoobin: Dunno. I’m still at the reception. Don’t bug me and fuck your hot gf! I’ll message you later!_

It’s her turn now and the receptionist flips through the pages of reservations when she mentions her name and the event. She is pointed to sign beside her name, but she also takes a look at other people who might have signed already.

“Is there anyone in the room yet?”

“No, Ma’am. You’re the first guest for this group. It’s… 1 hour before your schedule.”

“Ah… you’re right. Thank you.”

“Thank you, Miss Lee. Please head straight and turn right after the second door. The room at the end of the hallway is where your event is.”

“Thank you!”

She inhales and takes out her phone. She mindlessly goes on Twitter to check on industry updates but all she sees are tweets of Yoohyeon with her shoes. She shakes her head and laughs at Yoohyeon’s face because she hasn’t thanked her enough, but she does bring joy to her life. She could never ask for a better best friend, and she doesn’t know how life will be if she never had her. She scrolls some more, and suddenly remembers her last search activity. She goes on and looks for Gahyeon’s account and sees that it doesn’t have the padlock icon anymore. She turns right after the second door as instructed, and sees that the room at the end of the hall is already open. She goes back to her phone and checks Gahyeon’s Twitter and sees a post made just a minute ago.

It’s a photo of the restaurant.

Yoobin stops walking in the middle of the hall and her eyes move around, inspecting every corner that they can reach. She forces herself to walk faster going to their room as her mind goes crazy, the photo on Gahyeon’s Twitter making her palms feel shot with electricity. She arrives at the room with name plates on the table and a registration table at the side where two beautiful young ladies were stationed. They were softly giggling as Yoobin faces them.

“A-are you Miss Dami? That famous composer?”

“Oh, you know me.”  
“Of course, I mean, yes! Miss…” The girl nudges the other girl.

“Miss Lee. Miss Lee Yoobin. Yes, we are all fans in the school because the teachers always brag about how you started your dreams in the same school.”

Yoobin blushes because she is flattered to know that her past teachers are proud of her. She gives the girls a sweet smile and they both beam brightly, giddiness creeping up their senses. 

“I hope you’re the same - finding out what you want to do. But if you still don’t, that’s fine. You will eventually discover.”

“Th-thank you for the advice, Miss Lee.” The girls are blushing as Yoobin walks towards them, peeling her ivories as she is in front of the table.

“No worries. Where do I sign here?”

“O-oh, right. Yes. Uhm, here. Please. Letter L… Lee…”  
“Okay yep found it. Wow, award for musical excellence…”

Faint footsteps are heard across the room, heels clicking on tiled floors as the woman approaches the registration table. One of the girls stand up to bow at the person on queue as Yoobin signs her name and talks to the other girl.

“So, is this everything?”  
“Yes, thank you Miss Lee.”  
“Thank you. Remember what I told you.”  
“Y-yes, Miss Lee!”

Yoobin turns around with a smile on her face, cheerful that she was able to pass on some knowledge and advice to a kid whom she knows looks up to her.

“Lee Yoobin???”

The voice sounded familiar, as familiar as the words that said goodbye to her a couple of years ago. 

Her voice was bright, her smile a pocketful of sunshine, and her round eyes glisten as they look at Yoobin.

“Oh, Gahyeon!”

She was wearing a cream dress with colorful beads sprinkled on the linings with middle-height gold stilettos and a gold purse. She looked absolutely stunning in the outfit and her face is ethereal. Yoobin felt gutted, Gahyeon’s eyes sparkly as they crinkle at the corners. _She’s even more beautiful now._ She takes a deep breath and gets the courage to start talking again.

“I’ll catch you after you’re done signing there. I’ll just go to the bathroom.”

“Okay!”

She hurries out of the room and takes out her phone, messaging Yoohyeon while her hands are shaking.  
  
_Bruh she here. She stunning. White dress gold shoes we kinda look matching lol. I’m panicking cause you didn’t tell me she got more beautiful. Anyway this is just an update that I’m panicking but I’m okay. Thanks. Not lending you my car still._

She breathes in with her nose and breathes out with her mouth. She clears her voice and turns around, heads back to the room where the dinner will be held. It’s still 45 minutes before the actual event starts but there are still no other people around. Yoobin figures she has to talk to Gahyeon or something, especially because she can’t seem to take her eyes off of her. She steps into the room and sees Gahyeon already seated, beside her name plate. _Was it really necessary to put us next to each other? We’re not even batchmates. But okay._

Gahyeon waves as her lips curve upward, her little dimples showing as Yoobin walks towards her. Her heart feels like she’s still in high school, and maybe her heart still is, but she doesn’t complain about that right now. She complains at how insanely beautiful she is.

Yoobin sinks into her seat, just at the left of Gahyeon. The younger girl faces her body towards the older, as if eager to listen to all the stories she has. Her face lightens up as soon as Yoobin finds her spot on the comfortable chair, resting her chin on her left palm.

“So? How’s life, Dami?”

“Ha. Very funny. I’m all good, Miss CEO Lee.”

“Aw. Thank you, Miss crush-of-those-girls. Damn. You really get younger girls fall for you, huh?”

The answer doesn’t matter because Yoobin feels weird talking about this with her ex. She hasn’t chosen to fall in love again, and there’s a reason for that.

“Eh, let’s not talk about that please. That’s all in the past…”

“You’re right. Sorry. I was just teasing. So, what brings you back home?”

“I got projects form two companies here, SD and YP.”

“Oh wow, Miss Big Time. Can I also ask for a schedule with you? We’re in need of a beautiful mind to write a song for us. It’s for our soloist named JiU. I’m sure you’ve heard about her.”

“Sure, sure. I’ll check out my schedule and I’ll let you know. I’ll be here for two months, I’m sure I can find time for you.”

Gahyeon blushes, the words settle into her ears and well up her heart.

“Thank you. That means so much to me.”

Gahyeon puts down her phone on the space between her and Yoobin. The older girl involuntarily looks at the screen and sees Gahyeon with another beautiful woman. Her fiery heart starts to crumple like burning paper and she suddenly averts her sight as soon as Gahyeon holds on to her phone. _Yeah, I guess she’s happy now._

The dinner was beautiful and the two were having a good time. Yoobin and Gahyeon giggle and whisper at each other like they are back in their high school days, getting lost in their own world through each other’s stories. They exchange hearty glances with eyes that only belong to each for the night, with hearts that brim with happiness. However Yoobin has this nagging pain in her chest that she knows Gahyeon already belongs to someone else - that at the end of the day, someone is waiting for her.

Their smiles turn to grimace as the party ends, and they both socialize with their old teachers and school administrators who have always been proud of what they have become.

“Gahyeon, I always knew you’d be a CEO in a field that you love. But I hope one time you also get to sing for us.”

“You’re too kind Ma’am, but I’ve long forgotten my singing since… high school?”

“Oh that’s a pity, dear. We really loved your voice quality in the choir. But I hope you consider it…”

“Hahahaha! Let’s see, Ma’am!”

Yoobin’s memories of their choir practices flash before her eyes and she remembers how they would hold each other’s hands when they’re at the back row. They would steal glances and smiles, just like tonight. She suddenly feels the need to take her to a coffee or tea, but she suddenly wonders about the woman on her wallpaper. Gahyeon walks closer to her as she is done talking to another professor who complimented her change in appearance, and the sparkle in her eyes are brighter.

“Man, I love reminiscing the days. At first I didn’t want to go because I was so busy. But I’m really glad I did.”

“I know. Me too, actually. I think the stars aligned that I went home and this event happened.”

“I know, right? I’m glad I saw you tonight, Yoobin. I know we didn’t talk for years, but I’m glad that it feels like we just picked up where we left off. But just without, you know, teenage drama.”

“OH. TOTALLY. Thanks for tonight, Gahyeon. I enjoyed the whole thing and mostly it’s because of you.”

Yoobin froze. What did she just say???

“No, thank you. Me too, Yoobs. Oh wait, I can still call you that, right?”

“Why not! Of course!”

“So do you wanna grab some coffee?”

“Oh, tonight?”

“Uhm, yeah? Do you have any plans?”  
“No, not at all! But I don’t wanna have coffee here. Can we move somewhere quiet?”

“No problem at all. But I don’t have a car since it’s in the repair shop.”

“Oh no worries, I have a car.”

“Cool! Okay, I know a place. I’ll just navigate for us.”

They waltz out of the restaurant with hopeful hearts, their spirits high as they catch up on what happened with each other for the past six years. Yoobin knows she just wants to have time together with Gahyeon, but who knows if she wanted more? Maybe this coffee will seal the deal, maybe it won’t. 

**_The Next Day_ **

Yoobin got home around 3AM, her head pounding from left to right as the jet lag wears her down. She was having caffeine until 2AM with Gahyeon, and she wouldn’t have gained her caffeine-induced evening-turned-to-morning any other way. It’s now 8AM and she hasn’t had a wink of sleep but her phone rings endlessly.

“Of course. Yoohyeon.”

She picks up the call, unamused and lethargic, and tells her not to go to her house until she tells her to because she hasn’t had an ounce of sleep. The line on the other end goes off when Yoobin answers, “Yes I talked with Gahyeon,” and she shakes her head in annoyance. She laughs it off and changes to presentable clothes, and drinks the glass of water placed on her bedside table she had put aside since arriving home that morning. She reaches out to it as she sits up, gawking every bit of water whenever she is reminded of how Gahyeon’s face looked like under the stars. She has never been more beautiful, and Yoobin is smitten like she was eight years ago. She lies back down again as she sets aside her glass, and her eyes start to feel heavy with last night’s memories.

And then a doorbell from downstairs. _Of course._

Yoohyeon knocks five times on her bedroom door, kicking the pillows at her feet as her best friend opens it hastily.

“Sorry I had to knock like a million times, what if I caught you masturbating?”

“Jeezus it’s so early Yoohyeon!”

“I had an early yoga with my sister!”  
“You’re in the same yoga class as Bora? Isn’t that like a super advanced immediate mage-level class? You can do that?”

“Don’t underestimate me, bitch.”

“Yoohyeon, do you know jet lag? Do you know what time it is in LA right now? I finally got a brief shut eye and then I hear the doorbell!”

“Let me remind you that you missed me. Anyway don’t divert the subject! You know why I’m here!”

Yoobin suddenly cools down and ceases her battle mode with Yoohyeon. She recalls her beautiful night with her ex and she doesn’t know how and where to begin because emotions engulf her and her cheeks start to paint red.

“W-we had coffee after the event…” Her cheeks curl upward as she tells the story of how they ended up in the old coffee shop beside the school, the one they used to frequent after classes.

“So she brought you to your old date place??? Dude what the hell???? That screams ‘let’s go back to the way things were’ and you didn’t kiss her?”

“Yooh, she had another woman’s photo on her phone wallpaper.”

“Okay, so? What if it’s her sister?”

“Would you put Bora’s photo as wallpaper?”  
“Never, but still. Ugh you’re so frustrating these days…”

“Yes please lecture me on dating, Ms. Girlfriend master.”

“It’s not even that. You know you only have two months here, why not seeks answers while you still can?”

“Look, that’s the thing. _Just_ two months.” Yoobin’s mood turns impatient, her jet lag turning her into a ball of nerves.

“Look, Yoohyeon, just let me be. Okay?”

“Bitch, just tell her.”

“What? That it’s still her all these years? That I moved thousands of miles away from heartbreak but still end up thinking about her daily? Wondering if she had moved on from me? Thinking if I’d still have a chance if I ever go back?”

Yoohyeon keeps her head low as Yoobin’s voice started to hint a tone of exasperation. The smaller girl huffs while still laying down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She tilts her head to where Yoohyeon is seated, on the floor beside her frame, and she puckers up with protest. 

“Sorry. I’m out of sleep and I can’t think straight right now. What I know is that I still love her. It just… beats the same way.”

“Wow. It took you one night’s worth of jet lag before you came clean to yourself huh. Imagine what would’ve happened had you regularly went home?”

“Shut up. I’m already regretting as it is.”

“So what’s your action plan?”  
“I don’t know… Well, we’re meeting up two weeks from now for a project.”

“What?! You’re even doing a project for her?!”  
“Yeah, well, I couldn’t say no to her offer, you know…”

**_Day Zero Part 1_ **

Yoobin is already in the Happysmile Entertainment office, their CEO, Lee Gahyeon, is late for her meeting with the rising music producer with whom she made a personal appointment with.

“Hello, Miss Lee Yoobin? Miss Gahyeon will be here in 15 minutes. She met an accident along the way and she says she’s really sorry. Would you want a tea or coffee?”

“Wait, is she okay? What happened?”

“I’m not really sure, Ma’am. But she’s safe. Coffee or tea?”

She’s kind of relieved that Gahyeon isn’t in yet because she’d be a shaking gay once she sees her walk inside the room but hearing that she met an accident knotted her stomach. This feeling isn’t too good to be laced with caffeine, so she chooses the other drink. The secretary excuses herself to get her a pot of tea, and all she wants is to make sure Gahyeon is safe.

“Heyyyyyyy, good morning!!! I’m so sorry I was so late! I just got my car from the shop and something else got broken!”  
“What? Can’t you buy yourself a decent car, Miss CEO?”

“Don’t tease. I’m scheduled to buy a new car next week!”

“Sounds fancy, Miss Lee!”

“I was late because I brought it back to the shop. I was able to drive to the office anyway, so I guess it’s safe enough for me to drive it home.”

“Are you sure? I have a new car. I can drive for you if you want?”

“Oh don’t bother! Hold on let me put my stuff down first before we work.”

Gahyeon hurries to her table, slamming her phone and bag on it as she catches her breath and drinks a glass of water. The pot of tea arrives and Gahyeon smiles at her secretary. She puts it on the table across the chair where Yoobin is seated and gestures for her to enjoy it. She runs to Gahyeon, whispers a couple of things before she sees herself out, and glances a bit at Yoobin.

“Thanks for the tea!” Yoobin exclaims, and the door closes fully as her last syllable leaves her tongue.

“Even my secretary has a crush on you.”  
“Shut up. I’m here for business.”

“Oh I have no doubt. The ladies outside want in your business. Do you have any idea how elated they were when I mentioned in a meeting that ‘Dami’ was gonna write a song for our biggest soloist? I only mentioned it to the board, that’s ten people. The next day our office search history had nothing but your name on it.”

“Can you quit trying to flatter me? Your girlfriend might think you’re flirting.”  
“Who says I have a girlfriend?”

Yoobin stiffens, her muscles tense up and her jaw starts to feel rigid. She reaches up to her chest, lightly clasping her throat, exhaling through her mouth. Her voice starts shaky with a tone of disbelief.

“You don’t?”

“What made you think I do?”

“Ah-- I--”

Yoobin suddenly feels ashamed of how she thought of Gahyeon having a girlfriend.

“I… saw your phone’s wallpaper when you left it open during the dinner…”

“Oh! This?”

Gahyeon walks to her desk and takes her phone. She sits across Yoobin, her eyes still wide from the (pleasant) surprise.

“This photo? Man… You don’t remember my older sister Handong?”

“That’s Handong?”  
“Yeah! I mean she looks a lot prettier now obviously. That’s what happens when you become a Hallyu Star.”

“But why--”

“Why would I put her as my wallpaper? It’s a childish dare…”

“I also found your Twitter…”

“Yep. All social media and wallpapers. Part of the dare.”

Yoobin laughs lightly, her hearty snickers making her feel like a fool because of what she just found out.

“Were you jealous???” Gahyeon teases, eyeing Yoobin with both of her round eyes.

“N-no…”

“Come on, quit hiding things, Yoobs.”

“Okay. Well, I just thought that you have a new girlfriend and that I’m happy for you.”

“Really?”

Yoobin almost replies in an instant. But her mind wobbles in distraught if it’s wise to tell Gahyeon what’s in her heart. _Do I have to tell her now? What will even happen if I do? What’s in it for Gahyeon if I tell her I still have feelings for her?_

“Uh… Why are we even talking about us? We should start working, right?”

The older girl evades the question successfully and gets Gahyeon to start into working mode. They spend the whole day talking about the concept of the song that they want to do and its musicality, and even listened to various songs that have the same feel to what exactly wants to be released. They spend a working lunch together, not stopping until they get the final details down.

They end at around past 3:00PM. Their minds are tired, working hard to come up with the best music for Gahyeon’s company’s biggest soloist. 

“I’ve never participated in producing music this much before. I think I enjoyed it!”

“It’s fun, right? What’s actually more fun is getting all the beats and the music together with the lyrics. It feels like you bring life and colour to your sketch.”

“It’d be fun to work with you, Yoobs! Maybe we should schedule for that in the future.”

“Why not! I actually have written a song before that I haven’t released yet. I thought it would fit your voice well. Maybe you can record it someday…”

“Oooh, do you have the lyrics? Can I have a read?”

“Oh, well, um, it’s in my personal laptop so I don’t have it here…”

_Lies._

She doesn’t have a separate laptop and the song is in her Documents. Yoobin is just not prepared to show her the content because she wrote it at the time she was still mending her broken heart. She started it the night they broke up, and finished composing it during college. It talks of how her broken heart will never find someone else, and how it will be ready for the next time they meet.

_“So I gather my bullets for our next stake out_

_Come wait with me and catch it out”_

Unfortunately, Yoobin hasn’t gathered any bullets. She wonders if she will ever be ready for her, what with their fast-paced lives happening in front of them. They are at the peak of their careers - would Gahyeon be willing to slow it down to give them another chance?

The younger girl walks towards Yoobin, her core starting to feel balmy as cold starts to creep up her spine. Gahyeon was inches away from Yoobin’s lips, feeling each other’s breaths on their lips. Yoobin winces with the heat coming from Gahyeon, and she manages to let words escape her mouth.

“What are you doing?” Yoobin asks, her tone much lower than usual.

“Sorry…” Gahyeon turns her back and walks away from Yoobin. She faces the window in her office, her cheeks turning scarlet from the heat.

“Sorry, Yoobin… I’m so ashamed…”

Yoobin giggles as she sees the reflection a blushing Gahyeon on the window. She walks carefully towards her, keeping a safe distance.

“Don’t be.... I’ve missed you too.”

Gahyeon’s face turns bright, she turns all smiles with her words and she finally faces around, laying her eyes on Yoobin.

“Are you… seeing anyone?” Gahyeon finally asks the words, her eyes uneasy but her back deserving a tap for being brave.

“Have always been, since you.”

“Liar.” Gahyeon starts teasing Yoobin, with the amount of admirers she has just when she stepped into their building, it’s impossible that she doesn’t have anyone in her life.

“It’s true.”

“And why is that?”

“It’s my choice…”

“Oh, okay, then. Well... choice girl? Do you wanna have dinner tonight? My place. I can cook meat well.”

“I’m seeing Miss CEO Lee twice in a day? She doesn’t seem busy.”

“Yoobin, I think we have a lot to talk about… and I think a dinner at my place would be nice.”

The older girl’s body temperature rises, her imagination running wild with the younger’s invitation. She was never the conservative type, and she is always on fire for anything about her first love.

“Okay. Send me your address and the time. I’ll be there.”

Yoobin wonders if there’s still anything else that she wants to tell Gahyeon, like maybe she wants to tell her that she actually still loves her since the day they broke up, or how much she wants to feel her lips brushed up against hers. Or maybe even spend the night with her…

But she decides to save it all for later - saying everything that actually mattered during their dinner where the ambience should be better and everything should feel nicer.

“I’ll see you later, then?”

“Yes. Take care, Yoobs. Thanks for today. See you when I see you.”

“What are you saying? I’ll see you later!”

**_Day Zero Part 2_ **

Yoobin is broken into tiny million pieces, her knees about to give in from the news. All regrets creep up to her, the sickening pit of guilt eating at her. Nausea swirls unrestrained in her empty stomach, her head swimming with half-formed regrets. Her heart feels as if her blood had become tar as it struggles to keep a steady beat. Her melancholy hung over her like a black cloud, raining with sorrow and agony down on her.

  


**_BREAKING NEWS: Young CEO of Happysmile Entertainment Lee Gahyeon, 24, dead in a car collision_ **

She wishes she told her earlier today that she stayed single because it’s still her that her heart is yearning for - it’s still her hands that she wants to hold, it’s still her face’s details she wants to memorize every day. Her heart feels the emptiness, the gaping hole that used to be filled with thoughts and imaginations of Gahyeon. Her tears start to fall in one fell swoop, and her trembling heart threatens to devour her, to leave nothing but scraps of her. She holds her core, feeling the crevices forming as her heart quakes, remembering Gahyeon’s eyes that looked into hers just hours ago. She wishes she leaned closer when she went up to her with their breaths hitting each other’s skins. She wishes she could feel her lips again, chaste and warm against hers. What if she had scheduled to buy her car a week earlier? What if her car didn’t return from the shop on time? What if it got returned a day after? Then their dinner would’ve pushed through and she would have driven her around, instead of driving around with an unsafe car. These questions haunt her head, as if everything was perfectly set up for this tragedy to happen.

She had already arrived at Gahyeon’s place and was hitting the doorbell multiple times to no avail. She had to check her phone and look for “Lee Gahyeon” on the search bar, and that’s how the news crushed her completely. She walked back to her car as she drags her feet, seemingly with chains tied around both her ankles. She sinks into the driver’s seat and hits her head on the steering wheel, screaming at the top of her lungs with anger and resentment in the air. Her tears are brimful in her eyes, and they fall faster as she wails out louder in despair inside her car.

The news said that Gahyeon's accident took place in the curb in front of their school - the same curb where Yoobin used to remove Gahyeon's hands from hers. The words and text feel heavier in her heart as she kept scrolling through the news articles, feeling like she lost her own life. She regrets _everything_. She wishes she did a lot more things while she had time with Gahyeon as the pain nags and tugs on her heart.

Her head feels heavy and her hand feels colder with the thought of never holding Gahyeon’s warm hands again. Regret washes over her like the long slow waves on a shallow beach. Each wave was icy cold and sent shivers down her spine. How she longed to go back and take a different path, but now that was impossible. There was no way back. There was no way to make it right. The remorse eats at her every time she sees the name on her phone. She envied the pebbles, hard and lifeless, unable to feel the torments of life.

Losing Gahyeon in her life in a time where everything was finally bright and settled felt like insatiable fire that burnt all the oxygen in her body, leaving her listless and empty. But now it is more like a thin layer of ice, cooling her insides, a gentle reminder of the pain that came before and a prompt to add gas the next time a fire ignites. Yoobin continues on with her life, releasing music and songs according to her employer’s request. But a year after Gahyeon’s passing, she releases a mixtape and entitles it, “Counting the Days.”

_“This is dedicated to_ _you_ _\- you who made me realize that love is real even if you don’t physically see and feel it. It is real even if you live thousands of miles away, living only on imagination how your hands would fit with mine and how your cheeks would feel against my palms. How our kisses would be still tender, after years of longing for your warmth. I wish I started counting the days when I’ll be back home or when you’ll visit me in LA, rather than me waiting for the unknown day when I’ll get to see your beautiful face again. I will always love you, and it will always be you. Only you."_

_PS - I would hate it if you don’t have the best car in the after life. Please don’t be a cheapskate.”_

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you’re wondering why Gahyeon’s car suddenly crashed (it's not deus ex machina)… Please read back up hehe. Also I wrote here the symbolism of things in this fic on my twitter:  
> https://twitter.com/crajee4jenyer/status/1148167996294086661?s=19
> 
> Anything unclear? Want to discuss? Ask me at https://curiouscat.me/crajee4jenyer :)


End file.
